For a number of years, I have recommended Sam Vaknin as a source of information on narcissism and narcissistic abuse. I learned a great deal from his YouTube lectures and regularly directed others towards them. In light of the documentary Narcissist’s Playbook: Empathy Not Included and Isla Traquair’s companion podcast, The Storyteller: Narcissist’s Playbook, I am withdrawing that recommendation.
I also owe an apology to Richard Grannon for amplifying a video that, in light of what I have since learned, I now understand to have formed part of a smear campaign against him.
What I recommended, and what I overlooked
I have described Vaknin as “the best psychology teacher I never want to meet”. On another occasion, I said: “It’s like hearing the devil himself confess the secrets of hell.”
Those descriptions reflected a real tension in my view of him. I found his lectures illuminating, while taking seriously his descriptions of his own narcissism and psychopathy. I did not regard him as a model of psychological health or someone I would wish to know personally. Nevertheless, I continued to recommend his work.
I now recognise that the reservations contained in those remarks were insufficient. A recommendation carries trust. Someone who followed mine could reasonably have understood it as reassurance about the person behind the lectures, including whether to become a student or seek his help. I should have given that possibility much greater weight.
Why my position has changed
The documentary and Traquair’s investigation have brought forward serious allegations of abuse and deception concerning Vaknin. The podcast includes accounts from people who describe having sought his help and subsequently experienced abuse, and examines the confrontation with him about those allegations. Episode 3 introduces the investigation and a former client’s account.
Vaknin disputes the allegations and the presentation of him in the film and podcast. My purpose in writing is to explain the change in my own judgement and to correct my earlier endorsement.
What has emerged raises concerns sufficiently serious that I can no longer responsibly recommend his work, training or services. In particular, I am concerned about the risk to students and people approaching him for therapy or support, who may already be vulnerable and looking for someone they can trust.
The fact that I learned from his lectures does not resolve those concerns. Being able to explain the mechanisms of abuse is no assurance that someone will behave ethically towards the people who turn to them for help. Nor does describing one’s own capacity for harmful behaviour remove responsibility for it.
An apology to Richard Grannon
Before learning of the abuse allegations, I amplified one of Vaknin’s videos concerning Richard Grannon, his former training and business partner. I now regret doing so.
In the language commonly used around narcissistic abuse, I believe I became an unwitting “flying monkey”: someone who helps circulate another person’s attacks without understanding the wider circumstances. That is an uncomfortable recognition, particularly given my longstanding interest in this subject.
My lack of awareness at the time does not undo the effect of lending my voice and credibility to that material. Richard, I am sorry. I withdraw my amplification of that video and any endorsement of its portrayal of you.
I also apologise to readers, students and colleagues who may have taken my recommendations as reassurance about Vaknin. If you encountered his work through me, you deserve to know clearly that my position has changed.
Watch and listen
The sources that prompted this reconsideration are available below:
- Watch Narcissist’s Playbook: Empathy Not Included — the official documentary website, with the trailer and access to the full film as a paid rental.
- Listen to Isla Traquair’s The Storyteller: Narcissist’s Playbook — the companion investigation, also available on Apple Podcasts.
My previous recommendations were public. It is right that this correction should be public too. I can acknowledge what I learned while accepting responsibility for whom I encouraged others to trust. I no longer recommend Sam Vaknin.
