“It Is Not My Fault” – The Blame List
Based on the work by Frank Farrelly
© 2004 Andrew T. Austin
It begins early. It starts with “that’s not fair!” and develops into “I didn’t ask to be born.” As we leave our teenage years our excuses become more elaborate, some might say they even become scientific. Or at the very least they sound scientific!
For those with weight/obesity issues, we can always blame a “slow metabolism” or those with depression issues we can always blame the classic “chemical imbalance.” Sounds scientific, right?
What follows here is the classic blame list. You will always need a collection of potential candidates to blame your problem on. This way you will never be caught out. With this comprehensive list at hand you will be able to fit into and be accepted by every “recovery” and “support” group nationwide and thus you will never be lonely again.
Blame Category #1 – Body.
Biology – blame the slow metabolism, blame the chemical imbalance. Blame the thyroid or any other hormonal problem (the doctors got the results wrong). PMS is always a good standby, so is the male/female menopause. Most importantly YOU HAVE A CONDITION so blame your diagnosis. If this isn’t suitable then blame the doctors, after all, they really don’t know what they are talking about do they?
Body Type – popular with the Japanese is blaming your blood type. Popular in the West is blaming your “large frame” or whatever. Maybe if you weren’t so short the women wouldn’t laugh at you or maybe if you weren’t so tall then men wouldn’t be afraid of you. The underdeveloped or pendulous breasts/small penis doesn’t help much either.
You could even label yourself with pseudo-science:
1. Endomorph: The naturally large person characterised with a round face, wide hips, big bones, “slow metabolism” and “high number of fat cells“.
2. Mesomorph: Naturally muscular person with wide shoulders, small waist and athletic build, low body fat percentage and “high metabolism.”
3. Ectomorph: The skinny person with a linear appearance, small muscles, “ultra fast metabolism”, low body fat, narrow shoulders, hips and waist.
Deficiencies – this is a popular blame category, blame what your body lacks – “I’m not that type of person…”, “If only I had what…..has!”
Genetics – this is gaining in popularity. “I have a genetic disposition towards…” or “It runs in my family…”
Looks – blame your face and your appearance. If only your nose wasn’t so big, then you’d be happy. If only that cellulite wasn’t there, if only you were so damned ugly. If only you weren’t so damned fat. God beat you with that ugly stick and now you are stuck.
Nerves – it’s your nerves, you see. The doctor gives you pills to calm your nerves. Without them, you’d be a wreck. As it is, you find it difficult doing things because of your nerves. You cannot help it. You forget to take the pills and sometimes they don’t work. You “forget” about those hospital and therapy appointments. You miss the bus. Those pills affect your memory, you see. You cannot help it. The pills have side effects.
Colour – you are the wrong colour or it is because you are ginger. It might be the freckles, or the dreadful acne. Either way, your appearance sucks and there is nothing you can do about it. If only you had the money for surgery.
Blame Category #2 – Destiny.
Popular category this one. Place the blame on events way outside of your control and be passive to all negative events. You cannot help yourself in the face of the power of these things. Simultaneously use these same things to explain why other people are happy.
Astrology – blame your star sign. Find a trait that you don’t like that matches a trait of your star sign. Speak of this one feature as though it is proof of the validity of astrology and also as proof of your inability to change.
Luck – blame luck. You are just an unlucky person and there is nothing that you can do about your luck in life. You are just unlucky and you are helpless. Get used to it. It always rains on you and you alone. Everyone else seems to be ok except you.
God – God has it in for you. He never much liked you ever since you trod on that kitten. It is also quite possible that you have inherited the sins of your ancestors. You deserve this because you are a worthless person. Stop treading on kittens. Consider changing religion, but always state reasons of belief as to why you cannot do this. Those nuns really had it in for you as a child. No wonder you always feel so guilty.
Karma – you have bad karma. The reason you have such bad luck and feel so bad is that in your past lives you committed some dreadful act. Maybe that phobia you have is because something happened in a past life. Maybe regression and reliving it all over again will help you. Expect more bad stuff to happen to you anyway. Your karmic debt is not yet paid off. The universe hates you.
Blame Category #3 – Family.
If all else fails, blame your family. It is what they are there for. If only your parents weren’t so preoccupied with their own problems when you were younger, you would be ok now. If only your parents were normal!
Parents – here’s what they do – they never pay attention to the stuff that is really important and instead focus on the stuff about you that you don’t really care about. They poke their nose in where you would really rather they didn’t. They still treat you like you are a child and they patronise you. If only they would change then your life would be normal and you would be happy. Your parents are to blame for everything that is wrong in your life. You are helpless against them. You never actually bonded with them anyway and this hurts. It will always hurt.
Siblings – your brothers and sisters always had it so much easier. It all seemed to come to them so easily. They side against you even if you don’t realise this. They succeeded where you didn’t. They pity you.
Blame Category #4 – History.
Age – blame your age. You are always too old or too young. If only you’d been born in a different era then everything would have been golden.
Birth Order – if you had been born as either the older or the younger sibling or wherever, then it would all have been so different for you.
Childhood – with all that happened to you as a child is it any wonder you are such a mess? You were victimised as a child and because that happened that means you are helpless to be anything else now. They laughed at you and took away your masculinity/femininity and you were stripped of your self-esteem and natural confidence over time. No wonder you have so few friends. You were the freak they all picked on in the playground. They put bubble gum in your hair and spat in your lunch box. No one wanted to play with you then and no one wants to play with you now. You tried to join a dating agency but everyone on there was “weird.”
Blame Category #5 – Mind.
This is a good category to blame. Your problems are “deep-rooted” and possibly even “repressed.” They are so deep and have been there so long that you can do nothing about any of them. Change would take too long and be too painful. You are helpless in the face of all help and therapy that is offered. Everyone else can change, but you cannot – you are beyond help.
Blame Category #6 – Society.
This is easy. Remember to claim benefits but to always complain that you don’t have enough and those Nazis at the benefits office always give you a hard time. Society makes you this way, how could you be any other way in this life?
You received an appalling education so it is no wonder that you are no good and speak poorly. Remember, you are never illiterate – you are dyslexic!
“They” should do something about it. “Someone” should do something. Your leaders really should understand your needs better.
The law is an ass and it is unjust. It is weighted against law-abiding citizens such as you. The law makes you powerless. There is nothing you can do about it.
All politicians lie to you. They make your bills so high with their excessive taxes.
Society oppresses people like you. “They” should be more understanding.
Remember that this is the way things are.
There is nothing you can do about any of it.
If you have tried to do something it has or will fail.
You know this to be true. You are helpless.
Anyone says otherwise, well they simply don’t know what it is like.
So be relentlessly helpless and never back down – they will always back down eventually and give up on you.
Recommended Reading List
For “A Strategy Toward An Ecology of Helplessness”
“Prozac Nation” by Elizabeth Wurtzel
“The Courage to Heal” by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass
“Girl Interrupted” by Susanna Kaysen
“I Can’t Help It” by A N Other
“I tried…” by A N Other