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Andy's Aphorisms #1
Over Eating and Being Fat


  • At the supermarket, the only skinny people I ever see buying a "ready meal" are anaemic looking youths wearing baseball caps and hoody tops.

  • Some parents reward their children with food. When the parent offers the unhappy child a chocolate bar to cheer him/her up, the child learns how to "comfort eat." This pattern will be set for life without dramatic intervention.

  • Some parents present a paradox to their child at meal times. The child must clear his plate and eat everything he is offered. He should be grateful and yet he mustn't over eat or be greedy.

  • Too many children are told to be grateful for what food they have, for there are less fortunate children who are starving in Africa. Meanwhile too many other children are told not to eat so much, because there are less fortunate children who are starving in Africa.

  • A tub of lard with 10% of the fat removed is still a tub of lard.

  • Chips, fries, burgers and readymeals are not food. They are foodlike substances that are chemically treated to taste like food.

  • When the first American fast food burger store opened in Moscow, the citizens celebrated this symbol of "freedom". No one seemed concerned that they had come to poison their children and turn a tidy profit in the process.

  • Everyone is the weight they deserve to be.

  • Battling with cravings improves nothing. But it will sure make you hungry though.

  • When I survey my colleagues at lunchtime, only those with weight issues are eating the readymeal, "reduced fat", "foods". Everyone else eats real food that they took time to prepare themselves.

  • Enough studies have shown that when young offender institutions give their inmates vitamins, their negative behaviours diminish. So do we imprison people simply because they are malnourished? Why is it not a standard to give all young offenders vitamins?

  • At the supermarket, I have never seen a fat person at the salad bar or filling their trolley with fresh fruit and vegetables.

  • When it comes to education, children receive more nutritional "advise" from advertising than from parents and teachers. What the fuck is a happy meal anyway? Do you really give that to your children as an act of love?

  • Reduced tar cigarettes are not "better for you" than high tar ones. Wrong paradigm. Think again.

  • Hunger is not an emotion.

  • Chocolate and junk foods are not in any way substitutions for sex or physical expressions of love.

  • Stomach stapling will not change your lifestyle or make you happy. However, if you survive the operation, you might well actually get thinner.

  • You never see a fat gazelle. And come to think of it, you never see a fat cheetah either.

  • Most hypertensive, obese smokers I have ever met would rather take medication for the rest of their short lives in order to reduce their blood pressure and cholesterol than actually change their lifestyles.

  • Those who are constantly dieting only ever seem to make themselves hungry. They all seem to increase their net weight over time.

  • Some people are just big. They were born to be that way - end of story. Meanwhile there are other people just eat too much. Also, there are those who simply don't exercise enough. There are also those who are all three of the above.

  • If eating is your only pleasure in life then you really should throw your television out of the window and take up parachuting.

  • People simply don't drink enough water. Sugary drinks, tea and coffee do not count as fluid replacement. Fat people seem to whine that they don't like drinking water. Get used to it.

  • Never shop when hungry. Eat a decent snack before you go shopping for food at the supermarket. That way the quality of the food you buy will improve tremendously.

  • Only a blithering idiot thinks that "Sunny D" is a health drink. WAKE UP.

  • Diets make you hungry.

  • Pay closer attention to the adverts. When you see an advert you like or are entertained by, think about it a little bit. They are designed to make specifically you buy their product. Advertising works.

  • Give up trying to be slim.